Stupid thesis

Sent to me by e-mail, if someone gives me the correct citations I can credit. I included as much of the credit as I could identify in the e-mail.

Lyrics to Little Mermaid, Part of your World
written by Ben Fortiscue (sp?)

Look at this work
Isn't it neat?
Wouldn't you think that my chapter's complete?
Wouldn't you think I was done?
I'd written up … everything?

Look at this draft
Isn't it slick?
Bound, single-sided and three inches thick
Wouldn't you think it would show
I know almost … everything?

For my tables and graphs are so pretty
I've got figures and footnotes galore
But I show it all to my committee
And they sigh
And they say
They want more

They want to see a new contour chart
They say I need more complete citations
Scanning the text for each typo, misstatement or goof

Seeking perfection in every part
Picking out flaws in my neat equations
Claiming right now they don't constitute - what's the word? - proof.

Chapters cut out
Chapters restored
What must I do for you to award
The PhD
I need to be
Part of your world?

A desk and a chair
I don't have to share
Quiet and cozy
My name on the door
A carpeted floor
Just like my peers

Who've spent the years
With real careers
Not stuck with massive bills on ROSI
Much more prudent
Than the student
Who perseveres

And fills up their brain with minutiae
Nonetheless needed to pass defences
What is a plasmon and why should I - what's the word - care?
Fight off despair
Save Chapter 3
Someday I'll print it, defend it and be
An overjoyed
And unemployed
Part of the world.